Building Your Family

I love to build things. Though I don't get to do it often today, when I do, I love the sense of personal satisfaction I get from the whole process. Years ago, I worked on a home remodeling crew. I used to love being able to walk away from a job site at the end of the day and look back at what we accomplished. At the end of a project, when a job was done well, I loved the sense of accomplishment I had. I liked the finished product. The customer liked the product. The boss liked the product. A triple win.

Psalm 127:1 tells us that when it comes to building our families, the single greatest key to achieving that sense of personal satisfaction that comes from doing a job well is to make sure God is at the center of the project. Every job has a foreman. The foreman makes sure the crew is working together to follow the plans. A good foreman works right along with a crew and doesn't just stand off to the side barking orders.

God wants to be the builder of your family. He wants to build them through you. Here are five ways God wants to build families through dads:

Believe in your family. Our children need dads who believe in them. The faith and vision of a dad to see what a child can become is critical to a child's success. Believing in your kids means you speak blessing over them. Encourage them in their gifts and talents. Believing in them means seeing the potential of the raw material and the purposes of God that have not yet fully materialized into a finished product. A great builder can see past the moment of the mess of building to what is possible.

Understand your children. Every child is unique. Every child has a distinct personality that requires dads to get to know them as they work with their child. Just like there are unique qualities to the building materials in a project, and each material must be handled accordingly, every child is unique and must be handled accordingly. For us to encourage our kids, we have to know what and how THEY are encouraged. Too often we encourage others in the way we like to be encouraged. Learn your child. Learn their love language (read the book, "The Five Love Languages of Children," by Gary Chapman).

Instruct your children. Dads and moms should be the primary instructors of a child's core values and character. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 guides dads in instructing their children. Spiritual formation, character development, and the shaping of your child's character cannot be sub-contracted. Parents are to be the primary builders of a child's character. Your primary tool of instruction is your own life. Children will move toward or be repelled away from being a Christ follower first and foremost by the lives they see lived in dads and moms. Guide them in the learning of Scripture. Make teaching a part of everyday life.

Love your children. The love of a dad for a child is without question among the most powerful forces on earth. When a dad demonstrates the qualities of 1 Corinthians 13 toward his children, a child has a firm foundation to build on the rest of his/her life. In a time when men are often either vilified, dismissed, or demeaned by our media, never underestimate the impact and value you have as a lover of your children.

Discipline your children. Discipline is not about punishment; discipline is about training. As a dad, think of yourself as a coach. When it comes to modern coaches, I can't think of a better teacher/coach than Tony Dungee of the Indianapolis Colts. He instructed and guided his teams to become champions through a strength and quietness of character, not through fear and intimidation. Discipline means having tough discussions. Discipline means helping kids begin early to experience the truth that life has consequences and their choices have consequences for which they must take responsibility. Learn to balance love and discipline, grace and truth.

As you think of your life as a builder, ask yourself, "Who is the foreman of the building project called 'my family?'" How are you doing at building in these five areas? When your life is over, what will God say about your investment in the most precious gift of your life, your children? You can become a great builder. Work at it. Invest in learning how to do it. Invite God into the center of your work.