Building Your Family

I love to build things. Though I don't get to do it often today, when I do, I love the sense of personal satisfaction I get from the whole process. Years ago, I worked on a home remodeling crew. I used to love being able to walk away from a job site at the end of the day and look back at what we accomplished. At the end of a project, when a job was done well, I loved the sense of accomplishment I had. I liked the finished product. The customer liked the product. The boss liked the product. A triple win.

Psalm 127:1 tells us that when it comes to building our families, the single greatest key to achieving that sense of personal satisfaction that comes from doing a job well is to make sure God is at the center of the project. Every job has a foreman. The foreman makes sure the crew is working together to follow the plans. A good foreman works right along with a crew and doesn't just stand off to the side barking orders.

God wants to be the builder of your family. He wants to build them through you. Here are five ways God wants to build families through dads:

Believe in your family. Our children need dads who believe in them. The faith and vision of a dad to see what a child can become is critical to a child's success. Believing in your kids means you speak blessing over them. Encourage them in their gifts and talents. Believing in them means seeing the potential of the raw material and the purposes of God that have not yet fully materialized into a finished product. A great builder can see past the moment of the mess of building to what is possible.

Understand your children. Every child is unique. Every child has a distinct personality that requires dads to get to know them as they work with their child. Just like there are unique qualities to the building materials in a project, and each material must be handled accordingly, every child is unique and must be handled accordingly. For us to encourage our kids, we have to know what and how THEY are encouraged. Too often we encourage others in the way we like to be encouraged. Learn your child. Learn their love language (read the book, "The Five Love Languages of Children," by Gary Chapman).

Instruct your children. Dads and moms should be the primary instructors of a child's core values and character. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 guides dads in instructing their children. Spiritual formation, character development, and the shaping of your child's character cannot be sub-contracted. Parents are to be the primary builders of a child's character. Your primary tool of instruction is your own life. Children will move toward or be repelled away from being a Christ follower first and foremost by the lives they see lived in dads and moms. Guide them in the learning of Scripture. Make teaching a part of everyday life.

Love your children. The love of a dad for a child is without question among the most powerful forces on earth. When a dad demonstrates the qualities of 1 Corinthians 13 toward his children, a child has a firm foundation to build on the rest of his/her life. In a time when men are often either vilified, dismissed, or demeaned by our media, never underestimate the impact and value you have as a lover of your children.

Discipline your children. Discipline is not about punishment; discipline is about training. As a dad, think of yourself as a coach. When it comes to modern coaches, I can't think of a better teacher/coach than Tony Dungee of the Indianapolis Colts. He instructed and guided his teams to become champions through a strength and quietness of character, not through fear and intimidation. Discipline means having tough discussions. Discipline means helping kids begin early to experience the truth that life has consequences and their choices have consequences for which they must take responsibility. Learn to balance love and discipline, grace and truth.

As you think of your life as a builder, ask yourself, "Who is the foreman of the building project called 'my family?'" How are you doing at building in these five areas? When your life is over, what will God say about your investment in the most precious gift of your life, your children? You can become a great builder. Work at it. Invest in learning how to do it. Invite God into the center of your work.

Praying for God's FAVOR in Your Family

Praying for my family is something about which I always felt very strongly, but for years lacked a good model to follow.

One day, I was reading Psalm 90 in my devotions and came across a verse that forever changed the way I prayed for my wife and children.

Psalm 90:17 (NIV84)

¹⁷ May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.

"Favor" comes from the Hebrew word, no'am, and expresses the idea of God's kindness or pleasantness. In Psalm 90:17, the psalmist (Moses) appeals to the kindness of God to be upon the people and the work of their hands.

I use this analogy based off of the word FAVOR to structure my prayer life over my family:

F - Faith. Pray for a continued deepening of their knowledge of, relationship with, and love for God. I use Ephesians 1:15-23 to guide my prayers for their faith.
A - Activities. My family has always been extremely active. My kids always seemed to be involved in everything under the sun. Pray Colossians 1:9-11 over the activities your family is involved in.
V - Virtues. Healthy fruit is one of the surest indications that a tree is healthy. Jesus said we would know those who followed him by their fruit. Pray that your family will partner with the work of the Spirit to produce the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in their lives.
O - Obstacles. Each member of our families has certain challenges that are unique to them. Character defects, places of spiritual struggle, hurdles in their maturity, and stage of life challenges. Praying specifically toward these challenges is important. One great way to find out what they are: ask them! Pray Ephesians 3:16 over each area of struggle.
R - Relationships. Second only to matters of faith, relationships are vital to the health and well-being of our family members' lives. Pray that God will help each person to have healthy relationship skills. Pray that each will develop strong, positively influencing friendships. Pray that each person will have strong mentors and disciplers in their lives. Romans 12:10, 16 is a good place to start praying for the relationships in your family.

I would encourage you to develop this acronym for each person on a sheet of paper. I use pages from my prayer guide in The Believer's Guide to the Spirit-Formed Life, a devotional resource I developed a number of years ago.

As you begin to pray for these specific areas, don't be surprised to see God begin to go before your family members and make a way for them, making their lives fruitful in every dimension.

The Power of a Few Flakes

An avalanche is testimony to the power of flakes who come together.

 The story of Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12 should remind us that we need to be careful who we listen to. While Proverbs 15:22 tells us that plans succeed in the counsel of many advisors, we need to remember that the advisors need to have a track record of making wise decisions.

Too many men are guilty of Rehoboam's sin: having a course of action already decided and then looking for people who will tell them what they want to hear. Rehoboam was surrounded with men just like him - young, ambitious, addicted and to power, and ready to rule. He ignored the counsel of the men who had served the wisest king in history. He found advisors who told him what he wanted to hear. Israel was torn in two as a result.

When you seek out counsel, remember to find people whose lives reflect the fruit of wise decisions. The purpose of seeking counsel is to gain perspective, insight, and information that you don't currently have. Looking for people who tell you what you want to hear results in the destructive power of flakes who come together.